What was the most interesting event of the week?
I encountered an emotionally challenging situation this week. It forced me to really examine what I want from life and simultaneously if the way I acted that lead me to this "emotionally challenging situation" was in alignment with my ideal future.
I am thankful for clarifying my ideals but the "emotionally challenging situation" that got me to do this was very unpleasant.
So I’m saying don’t wait for such events or crises to occur in order to sort out what you expect out of life or relationships. Be proactive rather than reactive and shape your future now – everyday focus on what you want to guide you. Define your personal mission statement in life and keep on referring to it. Make clarifying your intentions a habit.
I want to meditate on these thoughts daily.
It will be a light that guides you constantly. However if you forget about constantly focusing on these ideals and future goals, as I did, it becomes a torch that you desperately want to switch on for guidance when you have unintentionally fallen into a cave. By then there is always the possibility that it might be too late, and even worse you forget the possibility of such light existing.
What did you do well in?
After an initial debacle about something with my friend – I overlooked my grievances and my woes in favour of my relationship with this friend – so I let water flow its natural and easy course under the bridge and patched things up a while later. My want to be “good” with this friend overruled the bitter taste I had felt.
Given appropriate circumstances you can move on and forgive both people you know well and people you just met.
This especially true with people you’ve just met or don’t know well who have given you bad first impressions. They might be going through things that you won’t know about. Although their actions are unpleasant – they probably didn’t mean any harm to you and rather are having a difficult time dealing with their problems.
I learnt this from working at Maccas. Before his shift a new coworker was quite rude when ordering. After I returned to the cash register and my manager had given him a discount I asked "Have you pai-?", he cut me off and shouted at me "I've already paid!"
He left a really bad first impression, however, when he started working I didn't hold it against him. I even managed a smile-that-probably-looked-a-bit-too-much-like-a-grimace at him.
Towards the end of my shift he went on a break and revealed to another crew member and me that he went to a school for academically challenged and rebellious students. I realised that I didn't have to take his actions personally because that was the way he was and he probably has many problems to deal with. But because I didn't dismiss him during my shift as I probably would have done two years ago when I left we had a short conversation and laughed.
What could you improve on?
I learnt that when you are in a pressing and difficult situation with someone you want to sustain a relationship with, it’s good to think about the future.
When emotions are flaring, red light bulbs and alarms are going off and warning that you are in the danger zone – a fight is going to break out or it has already started - if you continue to argue or be defensive and reactive to each other it’s only going to get worse.
This is a problem I have.
So to improve, I have to think about what I want my relationship with this person to be with in the future. When we approach that zone or even before when the other person does something to piss me off, I have to think, “Will reacting negatively and defensively get you to where you want to be in the future? Do you want to have a positive relationship? Do you want your time together to be good?”
I do. So I must try to subordinate my present anguishes about the situation and the present urge to win in this conflict at the expense of the other person to my vision of what I want us to be for the future. This helps calms me and rather than be reactive and harsh or to continue exclaiming my woes or putting up another rebuttal it helps me make better actions. I try to see the other person’s point of view. What actions will facilitate a stronger and more enriching relationship?
It’s hard but I think being a principle-centred person really helps with this. When you are principle-centred your paradigms about life are based on truths such as honesty, consideration, diligence, patience, fairness, excellence, potential, encouragement, gratitude, understanding.
Along with thinking about whether my actions align with the future I also think if my actions aligned to these sound principles. Was I considerate or courageous? It is often because my actions were not aligned to these principles that it leads me to have heated conflicts. So I must think about how I can rectify that and take actions that align with good principles.
I got these insights and concepts from the book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. This book presents a holistic, integrated, principle-centred approach for solving personal and professional problems and I would definitely recommend reading it.
What are you grateful for?
I encountered an emotionally challenging situation this week. It forced me to really examine what I want from life and simultaneously if the way I acted that lead me to this "emotionally challenging situation" was in alignment with my ideal future.
I am thankful for clarifying my ideals but the "emotionally challenging situation" that got me to do this was very unpleasant.
So I’m saying don’t wait for such events or crises to occur in order to sort out what you expect out of life or relationships. Be proactive rather than reactive and shape your future now – everyday focus on what you want to guide you. Define your personal mission statement in life and keep on referring to it. Make clarifying your intentions a habit.
I want to meditate on these thoughts daily.
It will be a light that guides you constantly. However if you forget about constantly focusing on these ideals and future goals, as I did, it becomes a torch that you desperately want to switch on for guidance when you have unintentionally fallen into a cave. By then there is always the possibility that it might be too late, and even worse you forget the possibility of such light existing.
What did you do well in?
After an initial debacle about something with my friend – I overlooked my grievances and my woes in favour of my relationship with this friend – so I let water flow its natural and easy course under the bridge and patched things up a while later. My want to be “good” with this friend overruled the bitter taste I had felt.
Given appropriate circumstances you can move on and forgive both people you know well and people you just met.
This especially true with people you’ve just met or don’t know well who have given you bad first impressions. They might be going through things that you won’t know about. Although their actions are unpleasant – they probably didn’t mean any harm to you and rather are having a difficult time dealing with their problems.
I learnt this from working at Maccas. Before his shift a new coworker was quite rude when ordering. After I returned to the cash register and my manager had given him a discount I asked "Have you pai-?", he cut me off and shouted at me "I've already paid!"
He left a really bad first impression, however, when he started working I didn't hold it against him. I even managed a smile-that-probably-looked-a-bit-too-much-like-a-grimace at him.
Towards the end of my shift he went on a break and revealed to another crew member and me that he went to a school for academically challenged and rebellious students. I realised that I didn't have to take his actions personally because that was the way he was and he probably has many problems to deal with. But because I didn't dismiss him during my shift as I probably would have done two years ago when I left we had a short conversation and laughed.
What could you improve on?
I learnt that when you are in a pressing and difficult situation with someone you want to sustain a relationship with, it’s good to think about the future.
When emotions are flaring, red light bulbs and alarms are going off and warning that you are in the danger zone – a fight is going to break out or it has already started - if you continue to argue or be defensive and reactive to each other it’s only going to get worse.
This is a problem I have.
So to improve, I have to think about what I want my relationship with this person to be with in the future. When we approach that zone or even before when the other person does something to piss me off, I have to think, “Will reacting negatively and defensively get you to where you want to be in the future? Do you want to have a positive relationship? Do you want your time together to be good?”
I do. So I must try to subordinate my present anguishes about the situation and the present urge to win in this conflict at the expense of the other person to my vision of what I want us to be for the future. This helps calms me and rather than be reactive and harsh or to continue exclaiming my woes or putting up another rebuttal it helps me make better actions. I try to see the other person’s point of view. What actions will facilitate a stronger and more enriching relationship?
It’s hard but I think being a principle-centred person really helps with this. When you are principle-centred your paradigms about life are based on truths such as honesty, consideration, diligence, patience, fairness, excellence, potential, encouragement, gratitude, understanding.
Along with thinking about whether my actions align with the future I also think if my actions aligned to these sound principles. Was I considerate or courageous? It is often because my actions were not aligned to these principles that it leads me to have heated conflicts. So I must think about how I can rectify that and take actions that align with good principles.
I got these insights and concepts from the book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. This book presents a holistic, integrated, principle-centred approach for solving personal and professional problems and I would definitely recommend reading it.
What are you grateful for?
- Noticing and being privileged enough to see the beauty in nature
- For despite my other troubles at least I have health and two legs on which to walk on. As I was internally droning on about my problems while walking to work. I noticed a man in a wheel chair slowly getting on a taxi with a mini lift at the boot. It seemed so arduous and frustrating. So I stopped complaining to myself and walked a little straighter with gratitude.
- That Henry Cavill was cast as Clark Kent/Kal-El in The Man of Steel – he is so beautiful!